We will find out what flavor muffin we're having on July 24th..
Mike thinks it will be a boy. I'm thinking girl. Healthy is ideal. :)
We'll see what we get. :) I'm sure Baby Duvesque will be amazing, no matter what flavor muffin we get.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Excited? Not so fast.
I would be super happy if this baby would let me not feel like poo for an entire 24 hour stretch. The 'morning sickness' hasn't abated, I'm still am not interested in eating anything, and now baby has decided that making me have a headache for 4 days straight is a good plan. Gah.
I mostly hope this morning sickness at least quits, and I that would have renewed interest in food. Since it's week 15 and it hasn't quit yet, I'm not too hopeful. As far as food goes, zucchini, broccoli, asparagus, bok choy (see also, all forms of greens and cabbage) chocolate, coffee and most Mexican foods are now on the 'Shannon will not/can not eat this food' list. Mike has been a saint preparing food for me. I owe him big time. I just want to be able to enjoy an entire meal without being sick before and not wanting it, and without being sick after because I actually ate something. Too much to ask?
As for baby excitement... well, I really WANT to be excited, but I'm finding I just can't quite get there. I felt bad the other day because I wanted to go shopping for baby stuff like a normal parent to be, and oogle over the cute clothes and the little shoes and the totally squee onesies that are so tiny you don't believe that a person could ever fit in them, but I realized I already had everything that I needed. No need for new stuff when the 'old stuff' has never been used. Besides, what if something happens? I'll have even more stuff I can't use.
Fear of the unknown has totally taken the fun out of this second pregnancy for me. Yes. I'm scared. 90% of the time I'm too proud to admit it, but I am petrified. Not all the time; just when I start thinking about and planning for the future. What if it doesn't happen? That's a heartache I don't even want to consider, but pops unbidden into my head whenever I think beyond today or tomorrow or this week. I'm just not sure I could handle that.
Okay, ranting complete.
On the plus side, the results for the first trimester screening came back, and we have a healthy muffin with no obvious or detectable birth defects. Hooray for good news. Next appointment is July 20th. We'll keep you posted.
Love,
Shannon
I mostly hope this morning sickness at least quits, and I that would have renewed interest in food. Since it's week 15 and it hasn't quit yet, I'm not too hopeful. As far as food goes, zucchini, broccoli, asparagus, bok choy (see also, all forms of greens and cabbage) chocolate, coffee and most Mexican foods are now on the 'Shannon will not/can not eat this food' list. Mike has been a saint preparing food for me. I owe him big time. I just want to be able to enjoy an entire meal without being sick before and not wanting it, and without being sick after because I actually ate something. Too much to ask?
As for baby excitement... well, I really WANT to be excited, but I'm finding I just can't quite get there. I felt bad the other day because I wanted to go shopping for baby stuff like a normal parent to be, and oogle over the cute clothes and the little shoes and the totally squee onesies that are so tiny you don't believe that a person could ever fit in them, but I realized I already had everything that I needed. No need for new stuff when the 'old stuff' has never been used. Besides, what if something happens? I'll have even more stuff I can't use.
Fear of the unknown has totally taken the fun out of this second pregnancy for me. Yes. I'm scared. 90% of the time I'm too proud to admit it, but I am petrified. Not all the time; just when I start thinking about and planning for the future. What if it doesn't happen? That's a heartache I don't even want to consider, but pops unbidden into my head whenever I think beyond today or tomorrow or this week. I'm just not sure I could handle that.
Okay, ranting complete.
On the plus side, the results for the first trimester screening came back, and we have a healthy muffin with no obvious or detectable birth defects. Hooray for good news. Next appointment is July 20th. We'll keep you posted.
Love,
Shannon
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Happy day!
Woo hoo!
Got to meet the Muffin today!
We had a meeting with the genetic counselor first, who asked us our due date, talked about us telling the staff what we needed to be comfortable, and basically said we could look forward to a planned delivery prior to our actual due date.
We then waddled down the hall to the ultrasound tech (I had to pee something wicked at this point), who showed us lovely images of our little Muffin as they squirmed about. Baby has a head, a heart, two little arms, two long legs, and a whole lot of wiggle. We didn't get a super good profile shot, since Muffin would not cooperate, but it was super exciting. It was a little harrowing too, since the ultrasound tech left the room when we were done looking to go get the doctor (which didn't happen last time), since she apparently thought we were seeing a doctor immediately after, but we thought something might be wrong, but then she came back and told us she just needed someone to sign off on the paperwork for the first trimester screening, so crisis averted. No parental meltdown.
We went to lunch, got movies at the mall, and then came back to the medical building for my regular monthly appointment with our midwife/OB, who whipped out the wand thing, and we heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time. 150 strong BPM. It was pure magic. I can't remember the last time I was this happy.
So here's to making our pregnancy FB official, to many more heartbeat checks and ultrasounds and reassuring words from our practitioners, and me trying to figure out if I actually want to be induced early. I don't really want to just now, but I might change my mind, and Mike and I are currently on different sides of that coin. We'll see what we decide closer to the due date.
Love,
Shannon
Got to meet the Muffin today!
We had a meeting with the genetic counselor first, who asked us our due date, talked about us telling the staff what we needed to be comfortable, and basically said we could look forward to a planned delivery prior to our actual due date.
We then waddled down the hall to the ultrasound tech (I had to pee something wicked at this point), who showed us lovely images of our little Muffin as they squirmed about. Baby has a head, a heart, two little arms, two long legs, and a whole lot of wiggle. We didn't get a super good profile shot, since Muffin would not cooperate, but it was super exciting. It was a little harrowing too, since the ultrasound tech left the room when we were done looking to go get the doctor (which didn't happen last time), since she apparently thought we were seeing a doctor immediately after, but we thought something might be wrong, but then she came back and told us she just needed someone to sign off on the paperwork for the first trimester screening, so crisis averted. No parental meltdown.
We went to lunch, got movies at the mall, and then came back to the medical building for my regular monthly appointment with our midwife/OB, who whipped out the wand thing, and we heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time. 150 strong BPM. It was pure magic. I can't remember the last time I was this happy.
So here's to making our pregnancy FB official, to many more heartbeat checks and ultrasounds and reassuring words from our practitioners, and me trying to figure out if I actually want to be induced early. I don't really want to just now, but I might change my mind, and Mike and I are currently on different sides of that coin. We'll see what we decide closer to the due date.
Love,
Shannon
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Space and time
There are two things that I have come to believe as a physics teacher:
One: time, like space, is a dimension. And even space isn't quite what we make it out to be. For example, advanced physical theories like string theory require (not posit, but require) the existence of 10 or more dimensions in order for them to hold weight. And because we only live in four of these dimensions, how will we ever know about the others? The truth of the matter is that we cannot know about the others, but we can simply have some trust that they exist.
Two: dimensions help us make reference to points, and those points are stationary. They are static, and they always exist. If you remember graphing in middle or high school, you know that the point (2, 4) is always there on every Cartesian coordinate plane. In 3-D space, (2, -1, 0) exists in every space. That means that every moment in time is a similar point, and those points in time exist always.
One of my favorite things to say is 'it is done in some future place and time'. I've come to think that all things are possible; they just happen in other versions of our world that exist in some other dimension, but in the same time.
I think about Emma all the time. I wonder what she is like; I wonder what joys and troubles she gives Shannon and me as parents. I wonder how she grows up, and how she does in school. I wonder what kind of young woman she becomes. I know that, somewhere in space and time (in many places in space and time), she exists, she grows up, and she lives, and Shannon and I get to find out all of those things we wonder about.
Just not here. Not in this place, and not in this time.
I remember August 10th, 2011 in fits and spurts. The day is a blur, a delirious collection of memories strung together in tatters, bonded by a glue of horror, grief, and sadness. How can anyone survive a day of loss and not have it all out of order by the end? I know I staggered out of the hospital to go get Shannon pizza; I know our nurses visited us about 50 times that day; I know we had several visitors. I don't remember when all those things happened, but I remember very clearly the space of time between 6:23 AM and 7:15 AM.
In that span of time, we met Emma as she came into the world, and we said goodbye. I told her how much we love her and how beautiful she is, and I kissed her on the forehead as we said goodbye to her.
That time was infinitely difficult, and it left an imprint on me that has followed me since. I feel so differently about so many things, and I feel so much...older. It's so hard to put into words how Emma's passing affected me, but I never really knew the magnitude of how until the moment we found out that Shannon is pregnant.
Elation, excitement, fear, trepidation, regret, remorse, doubt, denial, anticipation, wonder, happiness, celebration...I felt them all at once when Shannon showed me the faint blue line of a pregnancy test one day over April break. And that wave of emotions converged to leave one question echoing through my thoughts: am I ready for this?
I suppose it's an irrelevant question, because our next child, Emma's younger brother or sister, is here. He or she is growing, developing, and once again, exists in some future place and time. I have to be ready.
And that scares me to death.
So, I think that I'll mostly be writing about my challenges. How will I not be the paranoid 'don't-eat-this, don't-do-that' father-in-waiting? How am I going to deal with the frenetic array of emotions I felt in April as our due date nears? How on Earth will I deal with Shannon's dreams of twins? And, most importantly, will I be ready for December 22nd, or whenever our Muffin* arrives?
Crazy, crazy stuff. But, in some future place and time, the second Duvesque child comes into the world smoothly, and the Duvesque parents are healthy and sane.
Here's to hoping this is one of those times.
One: time, like space, is a dimension. And even space isn't quite what we make it out to be. For example, advanced physical theories like string theory require (not posit, but require) the existence of 10 or more dimensions in order for them to hold weight. And because we only live in four of these dimensions, how will we ever know about the others? The truth of the matter is that we cannot know about the others, but we can simply have some trust that they exist.
Two: dimensions help us make reference to points, and those points are stationary. They are static, and they always exist. If you remember graphing in middle or high school, you know that the point (2, 4) is always there on every Cartesian coordinate plane. In 3-D space, (2, -1, 0) exists in every space. That means that every moment in time is a similar point, and those points in time exist always.
One of my favorite things to say is 'it is done in some future place and time'. I've come to think that all things are possible; they just happen in other versions of our world that exist in some other dimension, but in the same time.
I think about Emma all the time. I wonder what she is like; I wonder what joys and troubles she gives Shannon and me as parents. I wonder how she grows up, and how she does in school. I wonder what kind of young woman she becomes. I know that, somewhere in space and time (in many places in space and time), she exists, she grows up, and she lives, and Shannon and I get to find out all of those things we wonder about.
Just not here. Not in this place, and not in this time.
I remember August 10th, 2011 in fits and spurts. The day is a blur, a delirious collection of memories strung together in tatters, bonded by a glue of horror, grief, and sadness. How can anyone survive a day of loss and not have it all out of order by the end? I know I staggered out of the hospital to go get Shannon pizza; I know our nurses visited us about 50 times that day; I know we had several visitors. I don't remember when all those things happened, but I remember very clearly the space of time between 6:23 AM and 7:15 AM.
In that span of time, we met Emma as she came into the world, and we said goodbye. I told her how much we love her and how beautiful she is, and I kissed her on the forehead as we said goodbye to her.
That time was infinitely difficult, and it left an imprint on me that has followed me since. I feel so differently about so many things, and I feel so much...older. It's so hard to put into words how Emma's passing affected me, but I never really knew the magnitude of how until the moment we found out that Shannon is pregnant.
Elation, excitement, fear, trepidation, regret, remorse, doubt, denial, anticipation, wonder, happiness, celebration...I felt them all at once when Shannon showed me the faint blue line of a pregnancy test one day over April break. And that wave of emotions converged to leave one question echoing through my thoughts: am I ready for this?
I suppose it's an irrelevant question, because our next child, Emma's younger brother or sister, is here. He or she is growing, developing, and once again, exists in some future place and time. I have to be ready.
And that scares me to death.
So, I think that I'll mostly be writing about my challenges. How will I not be the paranoid 'don't-eat-this, don't-do-that' father-in-waiting? How am I going to deal with the frenetic array of emotions I felt in April as our due date nears? How on Earth will I deal with Shannon's dreams of twins? And, most importantly, will I be ready for December 22nd, or whenever our Muffin* arrives?
Crazy, crazy stuff. But, in some future place and time, the second Duvesque child comes into the world smoothly, and the Duvesque parents are healthy and sane.
Here's to hoping this is one of those times.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Eleven days and counting
Ultrasound, genetic counselor, and first listen to baby's heartbeat on the 13th! So excited that Mike will be able to be there, since school will be completely over. I wasn't sure if he was going to have an in-service day that day or not, but ti all worked out. Win!
Getting kinda nervous about it, since I just so desperately want everything to be all right. Fingers and toes crossed for a great outcome! It'll be nice to have peace of mind about the whole twins thing too. I keep having dreams about it, and it's really effing creepy.
Otherwise, feeling good, sleeping well and not too wound up (for the most part). All in all, things are great! I am struggling to get more fruits and veggies into my diet. I've been drinking smoothies almost everyday for breakfast, which gives me at least 6 servings, but food just doesn't taste good, so it's a struggle. Any thoughts on how to improve this? I'm supposed to get like 9 servings a day.
Off to get my beauty rest! Next update in like 2 weeks (and maybe a picture???)!
Love,
Shannon
Getting kinda nervous about it, since I just so desperately want everything to be all right. Fingers and toes crossed for a great outcome! It'll be nice to have peace of mind about the whole twins thing too. I keep having dreams about it, and it's really effing creepy.
Otherwise, feeling good, sleeping well and not too wound up (for the most part). All in all, things are great! I am struggling to get more fruits and veggies into my diet. I've been drinking smoothies almost everyday for breakfast, which gives me at least 6 servings, but food just doesn't taste good, so it's a struggle. Any thoughts on how to improve this? I'm supposed to get like 9 servings a day.
Off to get my beauty rest! Next update in like 2 weeks (and maybe a picture???)!
Love,
Shannon
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