Excited? Not so fast.

I would be super happy if this baby would let me not feel like poo for an entire 24 hour stretch. The 'morning sickness' hasn't abated, I'm still am not interested in eating anything, and now baby has decided that making me have a headache for 4 days straight is a good plan. Gah.

I mostly hope this morning sickness at least quits, and I that would have renewed interest in food. Since it's week 15 and it hasn't quit yet, I'm not too hopeful. As far as food goes, zucchini, broccoli, asparagus, bok choy (see also, all forms of greens and cabbage) chocolate, coffee and most Mexican foods are now on the 'Shannon will not/can not eat this food' list. Mike has been a saint preparing food for me. I owe him big time. I just want to be able to enjoy an entire meal without being sick before and not wanting it, and without being sick after because I actually ate something. Too much to ask?

As for baby excitement... well, I really WANT to be excited, but I'm finding I just can't quite get there. I felt bad the other day because I wanted to go shopping for baby stuff like a normal parent to be, and oogle over the cute clothes and the little shoes and the totally squee onesies that are so tiny you don't believe that a person could ever fit in them, but I realized I already had everything that I needed. No need for new stuff when the 'old stuff' has never been used. Besides, what if something happens? I'll have even more stuff I can't use.

Fear of the unknown has totally taken the fun out of this second pregnancy for me. Yes. I'm scared. 90% of the time I'm too proud to admit it, but I am petrified. Not all the time; just when I start thinking about and planning for the future. What if it doesn't happen? That's a heartache I don't even want to consider, but pops unbidden into my head whenever I think beyond today or tomorrow or this week. I'm just not sure I could handle that.

Okay, ranting complete.

On the plus side, the results for the first trimester screening came back, and we have a healthy muffin with no obvious or detectable birth defects. Hooray for good news. Next appointment is July 20th. We'll keep you posted.

Love,
Shannon